Sobering Assessment

I began this journey of blogging on Nov. 1st without a whole lot of research or forethought regarding blogging in general. As it is with most of the endeavours I’ve embarked upon, while not being fully prepared, the unexpected is sure to occur. This excursion is clearly no different.
My next article entitled ‘sobering assessment’ stems from an occurrence which took root on Nov 1st. Over a two day period this root mushroomed into an awkward confrontation. All is well and good again, thankfully. From time to time a correctional self-evaluation can lead to refreshing observations.

Sobering Assessment
When I began posting articles on my blog I shared a personal account of whether or not I felt blessed or cursed. To be honest, I truly do not feel cursed. Hence, why do I do the things I do, and say the things I say?
What I have discovered is that being totally open and honest, especially with myself, can be brutally painful. Yet, the acknowledgment of putting my self-desires above the needs of others helped to deliver a humbling message while generating a real sense of gratitude for the whole experience. Especially when I know in my heart, mind and soul that (as a Christian, still under construction, of course!) I should be putting the needs of others ahead of my own. It is the
Christian way.
The discouragement that my husband expressed in the company of our Christian friends was so sobering it felt as though a surgeon had taken a scalpel to my heart without first administering any kind of anaesthetic. You see as an Anglican Lay Minister, my husband was preparing to lead an evening worship service on Nov. 1st and he expected me to support him by my attendance. Bottom line...I didn't go. This particular service was very important to him as he had experienced a temporary absent from our church and any associated activities due to physical and emotional exhaustion.
Saying that our planned night of sharing with our friends didn’t go exactly as planned would be a complete understatement. But then again, who’s plan? Mine?
If I am to learn anything on this Christian journey it is that I am not able to journey on my own and obey God’s will at the same time. The structure of our sharing group, as pertains to the Cursillo method, is a guideline to help us to live our lives through Piety, Study and Action. We are reminded in John’s gospel of Christ’s own words, “without Me you can do nothing.” A lesson in piety for me? Definitely!
An observation from the night of the open wound;
-acknowledge the problem
-discuss the findings and healing approach
-administer positive steps to ensure restoration.

Communication is key! Whether it be my spouse, a family member, a friend, but most especially my heavenly Father. God is always open to communication. However, I must acknowledge Him every day in every way.
Jesus hung on the cross and spoke these words, “Father, why have you forsaken me?” Why then do I look at my own personal trials as a curse and not a blessing? Jesus experienced His darkest moment as an honour and a privilege to obey His Father’ will. Why then do I not accept my trials as a privilege and honour God. Christ suffered the unbearable pain for me. As a Christian my desire is to be more like Christ.
On the drive back home following our evening of group sharing the rain poured from the heavens and the effect of what had transpired during our sharing was splitting my heart. Still an open heart communication both on the drive and upon retirement to our bedroom led to a much needed filtration and irrigation. For me it transcended into a long overdue communication with my heavenly father seeking His forgiveness and mercy. I know not what His plans are for me, or for the both of us as a couple, yet I felt His assuring, loving embrace and I know I must trust in Him and His will.
Tonight I lay it all at His feet and look forward to a new dawn, and a renewed spirit. He is with me, and with us. His Holy Spirit is my comforter. When I stray from daily communion with God than I rob myself of a possible blessing.
The physical quirks I endure in my life are but mere quirks if I choose to view all subjection as channels for spiritual blessings. I profess to love my Lord, and so I must strive even harder to walk the walk and talk the talk.
May you all experience God’s blessing.